Roses or a Gift Basket from 1-800-Flowers Cures Occasionitis
Occasionitis is an affliction that eventually afflicts all but the most nostalgic and forward thinking among us. What is occasionitis? Defined by lack of ability to remember important dates and the people that are special in our lives one might:
• Wake up on the morning of your wedding anniversary to realize it is your wedding anniversary! Or maybe you’re awoken from a deep sleep in cold sweats because you just remembered it’s your wife’s birthday and you’ve messed it up the last 10 years of marriage because you consistently forget to get her something!
• Perhaps your significant other finally breaks down and honestly starts to explain: “I really love the e-cards and all, BUT would it kill you to send flowers?”
• Maybe, after years of failed attempts, you finally come to grips with the fact that Valentine’s Day is not just a floating holiday.
• Perhaps you flashback to that time you tried to ‘say it with words’ and began her so-called birthday poem with the words “Roses are red….”
• Maybe, despite your family’s insistence that you can learn, you break down and confess that you are incapable of mastering a calendar.
It’s in the midst of such fateful moments that the first symptoms of occasionitis become evident. Heart palpitations, cold sweats, racing thoughts, catatonic episodes, and a hollow, sinking feeling in the pit of the stomach—only an undeniable state of denial masks these symptoms. Though clinical data indicates that men are most likely to experience these symptoms, women are by no means immune. Occasionitis affects young and old alike, and is unresponsive to changes in diet, exercise, or medication. Sadly, if left untreated, these symptoms lead to the same tragic condition-loneliness.
Driving mindlessly in circles to find the closest parking spot, scrambling frantically through the mall, and wandering aimlessly through the lingerie store while mumbling, “How did I let this happen again?” and “Of course, today is her birthday!” —these are just some of the irrational behaviors associated with the final stages of full-blown occasionitis. In time, sufferers are unable to recall the last time they were not racing around for gifts on Christmas Eve or searching in vain for that perfect card the day after Mother’s Day. Saddest of all, if undiagnosed, long-term occasionitis has the potential to destroy holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, special events, spontaneity, sentimentality, romance, and in the most tragic cases, passion itself.
Thankfully, unlike their parents and grandparents, today’s sufferers have somewhere to turn. In the last quarter-century, major advances in technology have led to startling breakthroughs in the field of Occasionology; and millions, who once suffered silently, are now living symptom-free.
If you, a family member, or a friend is showing symptoms of occasionitis, time is of the essence. Do not call your family physician, or the attorney who doesTV commercials; and try to avoid the temptation to rush to your computer to check your symptoms on a medical website. Instead, for immediate relief, remain calm and dial 1-800-Flowers or go online and check out 1-800-flowers.com. Better still, 1-800-Flowers.com’s same day delivery means you won’t be sleeping on the couch tonight (after contemplating a call to that attorney). Since 1986, 1-800-Flowers.com have been on the cutting edge of research, working to perfect a cure for the occasion-challenged.
Who could have guessed sending a bouquet of flowers could lead to better health? You will amaze those closest to you with your progress, and you may eventually find yourself sending gifts to loved ones “just because.”
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